What a weird Topic!

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Bs"d

What a weird Topic!

 

A new nation was created, and now it's time for its founder to deliver his first speech and message to the newbie's.

The founder (G-d) will not be speaking directly to the people today; instead He has sent His chief of staff (Moses) to pass over the first order of business.

Let's pass the microphone over to Moses: "Umm… Mmmm…. Today we are going to discuss about the lunar cycle, to teach the courts of law how to set up the months of the year. Like this, if two people saw a moon on the…"

STOP! Cut.

Imagine the scene. The Jews are still in Egypt, still in slavery, and now for the very first time ever they will hear a Torah lesson. And it's about the moon.

For heaven sake! The moon?! Is that what's on the agenda?  

Are the moon and galaxies the hottest and most crucial topic to discuss with a newly formed nation?

Ahem, if only I had a say in the matter, I would suggest the Ten Commandments as a serious contender for the opening address, or better yet a general introduction to the Jewish mission. But astronomy? Is that the first thing you teach a child in preschool?    

The explanation is powerful. So powerful.

Think about it: When the Jewish court (Beit Din) decides to declare on a new month, based on the testimony of two witnesses who claim they saw the moon, what is happening is that they are causing the whole universe to follow their lead. The very existence of the creation lies on their decision.

 For example, the Torah teaches that on Rosh Hashanah a new unprecedented light enters the world, but who decides when Rosh Hashanah is? The Beit din! Based on whose testimony? Two simple Jews! On you and me the entire creation evolves!

Phenomenal!

Now do you understand?

In His premier lesson, G-d revealed to us the biggest secret and most vital piece of knowledge: Dear Jew you have the power to change and influence the world! Your actions have an effect on the universe! Be careful!

A lesson for all-time.

*

A professor is one who talks in someone else's sleep. 

Moshiach now!

Shabbat Shalom!

(Rabbi) Levi Avtzon

                                                

What happened?

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Bs"d

 

What happened?

Alex is raving to a government official: "I love communism, I would give away everything for it! If I had a million rubles, I would give it all to the party! If I had a horse, I would donate it to the party! If I had a store, I would give all its income to the party!"

The official turns to him and says: "If you love the party so much, then I'm sure you'll gladly give up the three chickens you have in your backyard, correct?"

Alex: "Umm… not really…"

Official: "What's goin' on? A million rubles and a store you would give away, but when I ask for three chickens you suddenly back off?!"

Alex responds: "But the chickens I actually have…"

***

I was reminded of this story while learning a fascinating thought from the Midrash on this week's Torah Portion, Vaeira.

But first let's rewind a bit to the end of last week's portion, Shmos, where we read how Moses brought the Jews the good news that the time had come for the redemption. When they heard the tidings, the Torah tells us, the Jews "believed".

Fast forward just a few verses to the beginning of Vaeira, where we read how Moses repeated to the Jews what G-d had told him – "…I will take you to Me for a nation, and I will be unto you a G-d…"

Surprise! Suddenly the big believers "would not listen to him…"!

Hey, one second! Didn't they just believe? Why did they suddenly clog their ears? Once a believer always a believer! Two hundred years you held on to the faith, and now, just because things got a bit worse, all is gone?

Says the Midrash:

The first time Moses came, he came like a politician full of promises "I will take you out! No more slavery!", yet not asking for anything in return (besides the vote). And they believed.

True, it was admirable that after so long in exile they still had room for faith.

And yet…

The second time he informed them that, once redeemed, they would be "taken as a nation" by G-d – which, in Basic English translated into: no more idol worship, no more serve who and what you want!

Oh! Now this freedom had a price! Suddenly, believing wasn't so convenient. So they said: zei mir gezunt… No thanks.

*

Do our convictions dictate our actions as much as they fill up our minds?

For that is where it counts.

Moshiach Now!

Shabbat Shalom

(Rabbi) Levi Avtzon

 

 

Thoughts on a Unique Week

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Bs"d

Thoughts on a Unique Week

 

The news agencies have not been bored recently. They didn't have to come up with some story on a homeless cat, or a new study on why Coke is such a popular drink. There were enough 'breaking news' stories to keep them and all of us on our toes.

Take this week. Well we have the Gaza war on terror (oh please don't call it 'the Gaza crisis'. For it's a war on terror, plane and simple), and I sure hope they don't end it until the terror is done with. NASA claims there's life on mars, and an African American is becoming sworn in as the leader of the free world. And we have the highest unemployment rate in over half a century.

What a week. Here's a slice of good news, which all the media outlets call miraculous: A plane landed in the Hudson River and everyone on board survived. Thank G-d for that.

But you want to hear something really fascinating? Continue reading.

This week we open book two of the Torah, the story of the slavery and exodus.

What's fascinating about that? This: "Vayaminu" – and they believed. The Torah tells us that after 210 years of bloodshed and torture, where according to all logic the slaves should have given up hope; Vayaminu!

These people have never met Yosef for he's lived over 2 centuries earlier!

All news forecasts saw no chance that the Egyptian empire will or can fall!

Not one slave had ever EVER escaped Egypt!

Yet they believed. Fascinating isn't it?

For they had a promise from their grandfather Yosef, that one day will come a man with the words "I have remembered you" and that will be a sign that the time of redemption had arrived. And that kept them going!

In the end it worked out just like they believed.

Our sages tell us that "in the merit of our belief we were redeemed from Egypt, and in the merit of our belief we will be redeemed in the final redemption."

May it come to be speedily in our days!

***

The Israeli Ambassador at the U.N. began, "Ladies and gentlemen before I commence with my speech, I want to relay an old Passover story.

"When Moses was leading the Jews out of Egypt toward the Promised Land, he had to go through the nearly endless Sinai desert.

"When they reached the Promised Land, the people had become very thirsty and needed water. So Moses struck the side of a mountain with his staff and a pond appeared with crystal clean, cool water. The people rejoiced and drank to their hearts' content.

"Moses put down his staff and went to a solitary corner of the pond to drink, and meditate in prayer. But once Moses returned, he found that his staff had been stolen.

"I have reason to believe ladies and gentlemen that the Palestinians stole the staff of our great Prophet Moses.'"

The Palestinian delegate to the UN, hearing this accusation, jumps from his seat and screams out, "This is a travesty. It is widely known that there were no such thing as 'Palestinians' at that time!"

"And with that in mind," said the Israeli Ambassador, "let me now begin my speech."

 

Moshiach Now!

Shabbat Shalom

(Rabbi) Levi Avtzon

 

 

The Most Awkward moments in the Bible

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Bs"d

(One of) The Most Awkward moments in the Bible

 

We all have had those awkward moments which we wish would never have happened, and which we later tried unsuccessfully to forget. But the story of Yosef meeting his brothers definitely takes the cake as one of the most awkward moments in the Torah.

It's so awkward, that it's almost surreal.  

Here we have siblings who took the term 'sibling rivalry' to a whole new level (save for Cain killing Abel), and after tormenting and harassing their brother Yosef for the longest time, they then plotted to kill him. Only with some last minute intervention did they change the 'punishment', and instead sold him to wanderers as if he were an animal.

Jump forward 22 years. Yosef had spent portions of those years as a slave, another few years incarcerated in prison, and now he's been appointed as second to the most powerful person in the world for the latter decade.

And now the brothers have returned, and unknowingly found themselves at the mercy of the one person whose life they had all but destroyed.

By now the sparks were flying between Yosef and his brothers. Yosef had just given his brothers a real run for their money, playing with their nerves and testing their commitment to family. And at the moment of the greatest tension…

Yosef breaks the news: "I am Yosef your brother! Is my father still alive?"

Like I said, awkward is the only way to describe that moment.

It lasted for barely one moment.

The next moment however, turned out to be (one of the) the most forgiving, mature, holy and thought provoking moments in the Torah.

"Oh, don't be sad about what you've done to me, it was all a plan of G-d! Here, let me hug you! Take these presents, they are for you! Please won't you all come down to Egypt? I will support you and your families! I love you my dear brothers, there is not a grudge in my heart against you!"

How great was this man who took the most awkward moment and turned into the greatest moment of reconciliation.

It was a moment four thousand years ago, but remains as a lesson for all time.

***

A guy had been feeling down for so long that he finally decided to seek the aid of a psychiatrist.

He went there, lied on the couch, spilled his guts then waited for the profound wisdom of the psychiatrist to make him feel better.

The psychiatrist asked him a few questions, took some notes, and then sat thinking in silence for a few minutes with a puzzled look on his face.

Suddenly, he looked up with an expression of delight and said, "Um, I think your problem is low self-esteem. It is very common among losers."

Moshiach Now!

Shabbat Shalom

(Rabbi) Levi Avtzon

 

Hakhel:

 We are all part of one body. Each limb is needed for a compete body.