Eulogies for the Living

The old man had died. A wonderful funeral was in progress and the country preacher talked at length about the good traits of the deceased. What an honest man, what a loving husband and kind father he was!

Finally, the widow leaned over and whispered to one of her children, "Go up there and take a look in the coffin. See if that's your dad."

***

He was such a nice man! She was so warm and compassionate! What unique individuals they were!

It seems that of each deceased there is so much good to talk about: his accomplishments and good deeds, his wisdom and grace. We are always reminded of the generous donations he gave or the kind father he was.

But wasn’t he, like all others, a human being, a creature of choice and challenge who may have made mistakes? What of his failures and bad habits, his ego and lusts? What of the times he lost his temper or the relationships which were not so smooth?

Of all this you won’t hear a word. For all mishaps are pushed aside once one has left this world, and only the good and positive will be cherished and held on to.

Why do all those who may have argued with this man in the past suddenly sing his praise? How can one stand and extol the virtues of the departed despite the flaws he might have easily found a few days earlier? Has this human being become an angel upon leaving this physical world?

No. It isn’t the late individual who changed; we did. Once a man has left this world and we gaze at the tapestry that is his life, we can overlook the truly insignificant imperfections. During his lifetime, we may have scrutinized him under the light of stressful situations and through the lens of our own ego. We might have pointed out every knot or loose thread. But when death strikes, we suddenly see clearly. We finally take that moment of truth to see the person as a whole, and we discover, sometimes a bit too late, a beautiful life.

Yet it does not have to be too late. Do our loved ones need to be in surgery so that we can see how much they mean to us? Do we, G-d forbid, need to lose someone before we can truly find him?

Take a moment today to focus on the good and beautiful. See how much positive and saintliness lies in the hearts of all those around you. Tell them you love them. Let them know what a wonderful presence they are in your life.

And if it won’t frighten you, try to imagine the eulogy you would say for the person you can’t forgive.

At a time when 32 beautiful people needlessly lost their lives, let the living take to heart the messages they now send.

Be careful, you're carrying a gun!

“I’m nervous,” the patient tells the doctor. “It’s my first surgery!”

“Don’t worry,” the doctor replies. “It’s also my first surgery!”

***

In Mezhibuzh, the hometown of Rabbi Israel Baal Shem Tov (founder of Chassidism, 1698-1760), two local residents were involved in a bitter dispute. One day, they were angrily shouting at each other in the local synagogue when one of them cried out, "I'll rip you up like a fish with my bare hands!"

The Baal Shem Tov, who was in the synagogue at the time, told his disciples to form a circle, each taking the hand of his neighbor, and to close their eyes. Rabbi Israel himself closed the circle by placing his hands upon the shoulders of the two disciples who stood to his right and his left. Suddenly, the disciples cried out in fright: behind their closed eyelids they saw the angry man actually tearing his fellow apart, just as he had threatened!

*

Words have extreme power. They can build or destroy; they may sow love or hate. King Solomon even writes that “life and death are in the hands of the tongue.”

How many friendships could have been salvaged and how many wars avoided if thought would have come before speech and action?

In a moment of anger you might scream, “I’ll kill you!” Not for a moment do you plan on doing it for real. But as the story above powerfully demonstrates, the words take on immediate effect, and in some way, by uttering those words you become a murderer.

Words get thrown around too easily: “You’re such a…”, “I hate you”, “I wish I never met you”, and “Leave me alone” are thoughtless yet awfully common remarks. Not always are they meant literally, yet the damage is done. Once words leave the mouth, they cannot be retracted.

You may never have meant to speak negative about your friend; it just happened in the course of casual conversation. But then he found out and will not forgive. Because of loose speech, the relationship is over.

But enough with the negative; let us focus on the positive! Telling someone a compliment or affirming how much he means to you can make a world of a difference in his life and in yours.

Use the power of words to inspire, to teach and to grow. Remember: each word creates life or causes death. Make sure it’s a good one.

So let’s all cry out Moshiach now – it will become a reality!

Is Mt. Everest Closest to G-d?

Three hermits move into a cave together and for the first seven years they don't speak to each other. Then one morning a horse runs by the mouth of the cave.

Seven years later, the first hermit says, "That was a pretty white horse that ran by."

Seven more years go by and the second hermit says, "That horse wasn't white; he was black."

Yet another seven years go by and the third hermit starts packing his bags. The other two look at him and he says, "If all you two are going to do is argue, then I'm leaving."

***

Under the influence of most of Earth's major religions, many have been led to believe that spirituality translates as "shunning the physical and living a nun-like existence." The further one distances himself from worldliness, the closer he becomes to the divine, they say.

A man sitting atop a mountain clothed in rags, eating only the bare minimum and meditating for hours on end gives the impression of being "spiritual".

A guru who hasn't opened his mouth in a decade is considered a hero almost in all religious circles. All, that is, besides for Judaism, where the reverse is the truth.

To bring an example: On Shabbat, our day of rest, we are commanded to eat the best of foods. We celebrate Passover with Matza, horseradish and eggs.

When one reaches the milestone of Bar Mitzvah age, he celebrates with a feast; a Chanukah party doesn't begin without doughnuts and Latkes.

You would think our religion was thought up by some chef. What about spirituality and holiness? What about rags, closed eyes and starved bodies? Wouldn't Passover have more meaning if we were to refrain from speech for eight days? And wouldn't Shabbat feel more divine if our "resting" involved cleansing our mundane bodies through fasting?

*

Judaism doesn't define spirituality as abandonment of the world. If G-d's will was for us to live like angels, this physical world would be superfluous. Can we ever presume to attain the levels of Michael and Gabriel, even after decades of isolation?

We live in this world to elevate the mundane, i.e. to eat food and make a blessing, to use the hive of a cow for Mezuzahs and to bring joy, love, happiness and meaning to our lives and the lives of others.

Money is good when used for the right purposes. Eyes are useful for looking at the correct things. Fame is an asset if it leads to positive things.

*

So is Mt. Everest closest to G-d? Well if you're eating your Shabbat meal at 27,352 feet, then hey – I guess you're the closest you could get to G-d…

Passover Isn't History

A Jewish man was waiting in line to be knighted by the Queen of England. He was supposed to kneel and recite a sentence in Latin.

His turn comes, he kneels, the queen taps him on the shoulders with the sword ... and in the panic of excitement he forgets the Latin line. Thinking quickly, he recites the only other line he knows in a foreign language, one he remembers from the Passover Seder:

"Mah nishtana ha-lailah ha-zeh mi-kol ha-leilot." The puzzled Queen turns to her adviser and asks, "Why is this knight different from all other knights?"

***

Joey is a non-practicing Jew who is unfamiliar with Jewish customs. He is present at the Seder thanks to the phone call he received from his Jewish boss inviting him to participate.

Not knowing what he is celebrating, he waits for an opportunity to question his host. He doesn't have to wait long, for little Josh soon stands up to ask the four questions: "Why is this night different from all other nights?"

Daddy takes over with the traditional response: "We were slaves to Pharaoh in Egypt …"

Joey the newcomer interjects, "I don't recall ever being a slave in Egypt!"

Daddy: "We're talking about our ancestors who were enslaved three thousand years ago."

Joey is confused. "So we are sitting around with crackers and wine celebrating something that occurred to some nomads before the Common Era?"

Grandpa chips in: "You're right, Joey. That can't be all there is to the holiday. Rather, tonight we sit here, not just to commemorate a miracle in ancient history, but to relive history.

"On Passover 1312 BCE the Jews left slavery and the cruel oppression of a dictator. When we sit tonight retelling the story, we are, in essence, beginning our own journey towards freedom."

Joey: "I'm sorry; I don't get your drift. After all, we live in a free society where we are free to practice and act as we wish. Where do you see slavery in all of this?"

Grandpa: "Tell me Joey: are you proud to be a Jew?"

Joey: "Of course."

Grandpa: "It what way do you express it?"

Joey: "Nothing really; I mean, practicing Judaism is quite a pain and is old-fashioned besides."

Grandpa: "Hmmm… did you notice what you just said? Your reasons for neglecting the Mitzvos are external – it's uncomfortable, it's not popular or modern. But what of your true self – who are you?"

Joey: "I'm a Jew, obviously."

Grandpa: "Think for a moment about what you really want – not your ego, your friends, or the media, but you…"

Joey: "Ah, I get your point! I am a slave to my own self-built limitations, as well as to what society says."

Grandpa: "And that's the timely message of Passover. Free yourself. Break the chains. Cry out. As President Reagan so passionately cried facing the Berlin Wall, 'Mr. Gorbachev, tear down this wall!'"

This year we are slaves; next year, free men.

Make a Phone Call!

A little boy once returned home from Hebrew school and his father asked, "What did you learn today?"

He answered, "The Rabbi told us how Moses led the children of Israel out of Egypt."

"How?"

The boy said, "Moses was a big strong man and he beat Pharaoh up. Then, while he was down, he got all the people together and ran towards the sea. When he got there, he has the Corps of Engineers build a huge pontoon bridge. Once they got to the other side, they blew up the bridge while the Egyptians were trying to cross."

The father was shocked. "Is that what the Rabbi taught you?"

The boy replied, "No. But you'd never believe the story he DID tell us!"

***

In the Passover Haggada we read of the four sons who sit around the Passover table.

First we meet the "good" son, who willingly participates in the festivities feeling proud of his heritage.

Next we have the "wicked" son, who, were it up to him, would never have participated in this cracker/horseradish ancient torture. Yet alas, his mom threatened to cancel all his credit cards if he did not come to grandma's place for the "once-a-year-feel-Jewish party."

Then arrives the simple son, who, knowing that he's Jewish, forced himself to call his local synagogue and pay to be part of the community seder. When he shows up, all he can mutter is, "What in the world is going on here?"

Last, we have our fourth character, the one who "doesn't know what to ask," He feels totally lost, having just been pulled out of some ashram into a packed house with the strangest meal of lettuce and teeth-breaking crackers, that he stands with his mouth wide open, speechless.

However as different they all are, at the end of the day they all are sitting around the table. The Rebbe introduced a Fifth Child. This is the one who doesn't come to the Passover celebration, who was simply never taught about his heritage. The Rebbe calls upon each and every one of us to bring this son to the table.

Dear friend, I'm sure you're acquainted with a Jew who doesn't plan to participate in this year's Seder. Why not pick up your phone and invite him to join your Passover experience?

Tell him the true story of Passover. It really is an awesome tale.

What Is a Miracle?

A religious man sits atop of a roof during a great flood. A man comes by in a boat and says, "Get in! Get in!"

The religious man replies, "No, I have faith in G-d. He will grant me a miracle."

Soon, the water is up to his waist. Another boat comes by and this guy also tells him to get in. He responds that he has faith in G-d's kindness. With the water about chest-high, another boat comes to rescue him, but he again turns down the offer because "G-d will grant me a miracle."

With the water up to his chin, a helicopter throws down a ladder and they tell him to get in. Mumbling, with water in his mouth, he again turns down the offer of help, proclaiming faith in G-d.

He arrives at the gates of heaven with broken faith and cries to G-d:

"I thought You would grand me a miracle; I have been let down!"

G-d softly responds, "I don't know what you're complaining about. I sent you three boats and a helicopter…."

***

Did you have any events in your life that you could call a miracle?

Well, first we must define what a miracle is.Many might consider it a miracle for America to win the world cup. Having a government in Israel that finishes its full term would probably enter that category as well. A true declaration of victory in Iraq is certainly a desperate need – for the polls of the president… It would doubtless be a miracle.

The common denominator in all the above scenarios and in all those times we declare phenomena as miracles or pray for one is that these surpass nature. Such a miracle is, by definition, an event that goes against the natural course the world follows.

When an old man lies in open-heart surgery, the stakes are high; his chance for survival is slim. And so we pray for a miracle.

With the score 19-3 in the ninth inning it's kind of impossible to believe in a comeback, but the diehard fans remain hoping and praying for a miracle.

Yet there is another kind of miracle, one that is often overlooked. For a miracle is nothing more and nothing less than the Hand of G-d at work. Take a moment to reflect on your own life: Have you ever experienced a miracle?

For starters, you were born. That is the greatest miracle – life. Plus, you are able to read this email, meaning that your brain and eyesight are functioning properly. And surely there are those in this selfish world who love you selflessly – the miracle of love.

Search in those tiny encounters, in the cries of a baby, in the roar of a car, in terror attacks averted, in the progress of the sciences.

And if you're too blinded to see G-d's Hand in your life, set out to create your own miracle: go beyond your nature by doing a noble act, by making a positive difference in someone else's life.

Miracles aren't a thing of the past; they happen daily as millions of people change the world with acts of goodness and kindness. With what do they alter creation if not the power of the Creator?

We have just entered Nissan, the month of miracles. Let us all make the greatest miracle of all and bring Moshiach!

Popularity is a Problem!

Morris, the Governor's most trusted assistant, died in his sleep one night. The Governor had depended on Morris for advice on every subject, from pending bills to wardrobe decisions. In addition, Morris had been his closest friend.

So, it was understandable that the Governor didn't take kindly to the droves of ambitious office seekers who wanted Morris' job. "They don't even have the decency to wait until the man is buried," the Governor muttered.

At the funeral, one eager beaver made his way to the Governor's side. "Governor," the man said, "is there a chance that I could take Morris' place?"

"Certainly," the governor replied. "But you'd better hurry. I think the undertaker is almost finished."

***

He was Mr. Popular in town, a joke always on his lips and a most winning smile on his face, until that one fateful day when he whispered to his buddies that he intended to run for the presidency. He believed that he could make a positive difference.

He lost the title Mister Popular forever; now he was on "their" side. If he won, he would never again be able to please everyone. If he reduced taxes, there wouldn't be social services, a move which would cause the rich and middle class to be happy, and the poor to be outraged. If he spent money on education, the nature freaks would cry, "We need money for the parks!"

The president's seat might look spectacular and awesome, for the (so far) dozens of hopefuls promising to grab the seat in 2008. However, observing the confrontations facing the President, the tough decisions he must make and the downhill rollercoaster polls, you kind of wonder if you truly are envious of his seat.

Leadership and politics, with all their glamour and fanfare, have a great downside: they attract enemies. As long as this individual held a private life and kept a low profile, he was loved by all – after all, why not? The moment he undertook greater responsibly for his surroundings and decided to make a difference, the animosity checked in.

Of course, it must be noted that we aren't talking about those who chase after political positions for egoistic pursuits and would "sell their grandmother" to make it onto primetime television. We're talking about the honest and motivated individuals who truly feel the responsibility to make a change in the world.

Do they give up because of the challenges?

Mordechai, of Purim fame, was the greatest sage of his time. His devotion and dedication were felt and by all and he was loved for it. The story of Purim only boosted his prestige: he had almost single-handedly saved the entire Jewish nation from annihilation!

But then king Achashveirosh decided to appoint him Prime Minister of the Persian Empire. Now, he entered the political arena.

The Meggilah concludes by telling us that when Mordechai entered politics, he was suddenly not popular with everyone. Although most admired him, some of his friends admonished him for his stance; some scorned his values. He was no longer Mister Lovable.

Yet, as a leader, Mordechai knew that one does not shy away from leadership and responsibility because of depressing polls or statistics. Helping people takes precedence over popularity. And yes, standing up for what is right may have its price.

But if you know that what you're doing is right, then you don't care about the polls. The mission must go through, even at a personal cost.

Tell that to America!

Shakespeare Presents: Purim

A father-in-law offers his newly-married son-in-law equal partnership in his multi million dollar business. "You'll do the work in the factory," he says. "I'll do the office work."

The son-in-law isn't too keen on the idea. "I hate the factory. It's too noisy and hectic."

What wouldn't a new Father-in-law do to please his son-in-law? And so he offers him the office work.

"But the office is boring and claustrophobic…!" the young man protests.

By now, the father-in-law is at loss: "What are we gonna do with you? You were just offered equal partnership in a flourishing, multimillion-dollar company and you turned it down?!"

The younger guy is undaunted. "I got an idea," he says. "Why don't you buy me out?"

*

If you didn't know any better and were reading the story of Purim for the first time, you might have guessed that you were reading a Shakespearian play. The plot, the climax, the drama… it's just perfect!

First of all, the story begins with a miracle – a Persian made a feast and actually invited guests: There once was a Persian king who threw a party for 180 days for all his ministers and officials, and every delicacy the mind could fathom was available with the flick of the finger.

After that comes a seven-day marathon of alcohol and beverages tailored especially for the citizens of the capitol city Shushan. Just imagine the fantastic grandeur!

On the seventh day (or rather, the 187th…) the drunken king orders his wife to appear and show off her legendary beauty. For some reason, the queen suddenly becomes self-conscious and declines, throwing in a few nasty comments to boot.

The king, fuming, follows the advice of his ministers and kills his wife. When he sobers up and regrets the rash decision, he accepts his advisor's suggestion for a beauty contest. After a long search, the king finally picks a girl named Ester to be his wife.

Now the action begins: Ester and her adoptive father Mordechai unravel a plot to take the kings life, and they warn the king just in time. The king records the episode in The Royal Chronicles. End Part One.

Part Two: The notorious Haman rises to power. A decree is issued ordering one and all to kneel before the power-hungry minister.

Mordechai is made of stubborn material and refuses to bow. Seeking revenge, Haman devises a plan. The plot is none other than his Final Solution to the "Jewish problem." A lot determines the 13th of Adar as the date.

Things get hot. The king willingly signs the decree, and his queen's nation is to be destroyed by her own husband!

The Jews join in fasting, repentance and prayer for three days. The queen fasts as well.

On the third day, Ester invites the king and Haman to a feast. About to disclose the reason of the party, the queen reconsiders and requests that her two guests join her the following day again.

After the party, Haman plans his special revenge of his archenemy Mordechai, and prepared a huge gallows, planning to obtain permission the next morning for the hanging.

The suspense has reached its peak. When do all the pieces of the puzzle start forming into a collage?

The tables begin turning. The king has a restless night and asks his chamberlain to read from the Book of Chronicles. By "coincidence," he reads of how Mordechai saved the kings life…

Events in Shushan now seem like a rollercoaster. Haman takes Mordechai on a pony ride around town… the queen begs for her life…And before you know it, Haman is hanging on the very gallows he prepared for…

And the drama finishes with the good guys taking revenge on the bad Haman guys, and Mordechai taking over Haman's position as prime minister.

So where does G-d fit into this classic drama? Or does He? After all, in the ancient text, the name of G-d is not mentioned even once, so perhaps this is just some old Jewish folklore, an interesting story without depth?

But no; we need to look beneath the surface. Who wrote that play?

What was a Jewish girl doing in the palace? Why did Mordechai uncover an assassination plot? Why couldn't the king sleep? What were all these details if not the Hand of G-d, pieces of His Infinite Puzzle?

The message of Purim is one so subtly powerful that it can be lost under the masks and in the gift baskets. But we need to look for it. For, as in the Purim tale, small events and stories, even mishaps, frustrations and eccentric characters, are really parts of a masterfully-planned story, leading the Jews to repentance and redemption.

We experience many events throughout our lives, and may see them as random: "It just happened"; "Just a coincidence!"

We have the choice. We can see our lives as games of chance, or we can peek through the veneer and discern the Divine Hand pulling all the right strings. We can appreciate that it's all a beautiful story, and it has a Playwright

Purim reminds you that G-d's love is always there. Every second, every move is tailored with love by the One who loves you more than anyone else does.

Just open the curtain, and let the real play begin.