Big Talker

The judge walked out of the elevator into the parking lot and quickly walked over to his car. Suddenly he stopped, for right near the car lay an attaché case. Greedily, he picked it up.

He looked to all sides: the coast was clear. He opened the car, shoved in the case and was on his way.

At the first light, he opened the case. To his pleasant surprise, in it were beautiful diamonds. Wow! I'm not returning this!

Every few days, he sold another diamond, and his bank account slowly began growing. All was well, until that Sunday three weeks later…

The phone rang. "Hello? Is this Judge Davidson? Umm… a few weeks ago I left my attaché case in the parking lot of the court house. Do you by any chance have an idea what might have occurred?"

"I'm sorry, but no."

"Thanks."

An hour later the same caller called back. "Are you sure you don't recall anything? Your car was right near where I left the bag?"

The judge was irritated; "I told you I don't know anything; nothing changed over the last hour!"

A few hours later there was a knock on the door. Three journalists presented the judge with video footage of the parking lot three weeks prior, and of him opening the case at the red light. His shocked expression was hard to hide…

WHAT?????

It soon transpired that these journalists had taken on a project to put those morality enforcers to the test. Do they just talk the talk or they also walk the walk…? This judge failed. Miserably.

It's like this. If you keep laws because they make sense, then you adhere to them in the court room where everything is run according to the books. But when the money is laying before you begging you the take it, all may be lost. However, if you keep them because G-d says so, then they apply equally in the basement as they do on live broadcast.

And think about it: imagine if the judge knew he was being filmed. What are the odds that he would have walked off with the booty?

Duh! None!

This is the certainty that comes with fear of G-d, knowing that He is always watching our every move.

Let us not only preach about a better world; more importantly, let's begin to live better lives.

A special thank you to my dear friend Rabbi L. Feldman for his assistance with this thought.

Peace? My Way!

Chaim came back from a long trip to Minsk. "Minsk is a crazy city!" he told his friends.

"Why?" they asked.

"Well, in Minsk I found a socialist, a communist, a Zionist, a Bundist, a leftist, a rightist, a devout religious, a secular, a closed minded in the box and a free thinker!"

His friends didn't understand: "But isn't that a normal community, where you have different people with different ideas?!"

"Ah, said Chaim, you don't understand;

"This was all the same person!"

***

We are a nation who argues. A lot.

From ancient history when Abraham and Moses argued with the divine, to the present where the bricks and cement of synagogues and Jewish social halls vibrate from the sound of verbal battle on the widest spectrum of subjects, from how-cold-is-it-really-outside-including-the-windshield, to the 'only' solution to global hunger.

Life as we know it. I say yes you say no.

But then we hear the peace loving nudniks who cry for peace; "Why must we argue?" "We are all sons from the same Father!" "All problems arise from disagreement!" and a whole lot of peace babble. 'If we would all agree to agree', life would be so simple and harmonious. Blah blah.

Now could anyone please tell me where this notion that we must think alike originate from?

I'll tell you who came up with the idea of mouth shutting due to "it's gonna cause a fight!"? The tyrants, the dictators, the communists! This is not and never was a Jewish concept.

Our history is full of rabbis and teachers debating arguing and defending their ideas and thoughts. The Talmud is but a microcosm of hundreds of years of debates on a myriad of topics. It is but part of our psyche.

All the way back when it all began, the Jews had come to Sinai for the giving of the Torah, as they prepared for this momentous occasion, Rashi says they camped "as one person and one heart". Peace.

Notice how he says "One heart!" No mention of 'one brain', because we are not supposed to share brains!

Imagine what the world would be like if we all looked the same, thought the same, and agreed on everything, following the leaders like a bunch of zombies. One man says something and we all nod.

I guess it would look like Israeli politics.

A Lesson from Pharaoh

"I never did you any favors, so why do you hate me so much?"

***

Look at this guy.

He saw sticks turn into snakes. He didn't budge.

He saw water turn into blood. His heart remained closed.

He felt and smelled the invasion of the frogs. Nothing.

He itched from lice. Barely blinked.

He ran in fright from the wild animals. What an experience!

He saw the corpses of Egyptian livestock strewn all over the city. He laughed at the notion of freeing the slaves.

He rolled on the floor to ease the burning pain of his boils. Who cares?

He watched in awe and fright as balls of fire and water pounded the landscape. Who is this G-d?

HELLO, PHAROAH! WHY DON'T YOU JUST GIVE UP?

He woke up in the morning to find empty drawers, all the food consumed by grasshoppers. "I should let them free? Are you out of your mind?"

He sat in total darkness for three days, then for the next three days was unable to move. That was cool.

He cried as his first-born suddenly dropped dead, and became fearful for his own life: after all he was also a first-born. Umm…

Ok, finally he gave in; he let the Jewish people go. It had surely taken a while, but now his heart softened.

Or so we thought.

Surprisingly, the story continued.

A few days after the Jews had left, when they were already far away near the Red Sea, Pharaoh regretted his decision. He begged for volunteers to join his mission, and, all invigorated, he chased after his former slaves, vying to bring them back.

As he approached the Jewish camp, G-d blocked the Egyptian camp with a cloud, causing all the arrows and spears aimed at the Jews to bounce back.

Think he cared?

He saw the waters split. THE JEWS WERE LEAVING! He panicked and decided to chase after them.

No "miracles shmiracles" were going to change his mind.

This guy just never gave up!

So without skipping a heartbeat, he and his men followed the Jews into the sea. The rest is history…

In Yiddish we would call pharaoh an "akshan" – a stubborn mule. Nothing, absolutely nothing could push him off his (crooked) path.

The Kotzker Rebbe taught, that we should learn a lesson or two from our first tormentor: A lesson in defiance.

A lesson in perseverance.

A lesson in pride.

What a Weird Topic!

How you can tell a newcomer to a synagogue?

When he turns to you and says in shock: "Do people always get up and walk out just before the rabbi gives his sermon?"

***

A new nation was created, and now it's time for its founder to deliver his first speech and message to the newbies.

The founder (G-d) will not be speaking directly to the people today; instead He has sent His chief of staff (Moses) to pass over the first order of business.

Let's pass the microphone over to Moses: "Umm… Mmmm…. Today we are going to discuss about the lunar cycle, to teach the courts of law how to set up the months of the year. Like this, if two people saw a moon on the…"

STOP! Cut.

Imagine the scene. The Jews are still in Egypt, still in slavery, and now for the very first time ever they will hear a Torah lesson. And it's about the moon.

For heaven sake! The moon?! Is that what's on the agenda?

Are the moon and galaxies the hottest and most crucial topic to discuss with a newly formed nation?

Ahem, if only I had a say in the matter, I would suggest the Ten Commandments as a serious contender for the opening address, or better yet a general introduction to the Jewish mission. But astronomy? Is that the first thing you teach a child in preschool?

The explanation is powerful. So powerful.

Think about it: When the Jewish court (Beit Din) decides to declare on a new month, based on the testimony of two witnesses who claim they saw the moon, what is happening is that they are causing the whole universe to follow their lead. The very existence of the creation lies on their decision.

For example, the Torah teaches that on Rosh Hashanah a new unprecedented light enters the world, but who decides when Rosh Hashanah is? The Beit din! Based on whose testimony? Two simple Jews! On you and me the entire creation evolves!

Phenomenal!

Now you understand?

In His premier lesson G-d revealed to us the biggest secret and most vital piece of knowledge: Dear Jew you have the power to change and influence the world! Your actions have an effect on the universe! Be careful!

Small things count.

And you thought Neil Armstrong was a hero? Fe! He reached the moon, we run the moon!

What happened?

Alex is raving to a government official: "I love communism, I would give away everything for it! If I had a million rubles, I would give it all to the party! If I had a horse, I would donate it to the party! If I had a store, I would give all its income to the party!"

The official turns to him and says: "If you love the party so much, then I'm sure you'll gladly give up the three chickens you have in your backyard, correct?"

Alex: "Umm… not really…"

Official: "What's goin' on? A million rubles and a store you would give away, but when I ask for three chickens you suddenly back off?!"

Alex responds: "But the chickens I actually have…"

***

I was reminded of this story while learning a fascinating thought from the Midrash on this week's Torah Portion, Vaeira.

But first let's rewind a bit to the end of last week's portion, Shmos, where we read how Moses brought the Jews the good news that the time had come for the redemption. When they heard the tidings, the Torah tells us, the Jews "believed".

Fast forward just a few verses to the beginning of Vaeira, where we read how Moses repeated to the Jews what G-d had told him – "…I will take you to Me for a nation, and I will be unto you a G-d…" Surprise! Suddenly the big believers "would not listen to him…"!

Hey, one second! Didn't they just believe? Why did they suddenly clog their ears? Once a believer always a believer! Two hundred years you held on to the faith, and now, just because things got a bit worse, all is gone?

Ah! But the Midrash makes a powerful point. It's like this:

The first time Moses came, he came like a politician full of promises, yet not asking for anything in return (besides the vote.) So they believed. True, it was admirable that after so long in exile they still had room for faith. And yet…

The second time he informed them that, once redeemed, they would be "taken as a nation" by G-d – which, in our language, translates into no more idol worship, no more freebee! Now this freedom had a price! Suddenly, believing wasn't so convenient. As they say, zei mir gezunt... No thanks.

It's easy to philosophize, to declare and affirm our beliefs. Yet those ideals must translate into actions; otherwise, they don't account for much.

Say it, declare it, mean it and promote it.

And then do it. Whatever the cost.