Mazal Tov! To my dear sister and Editor Chani Avtzon upon her engagement to Itzik Wolf, may they know only happiness and joy together! Mazal Tov!

Pass over the Schnapps!

Q: How many Jews does it take to change a light bulb?

A: 50. One to change the bulb, 13 to discuss it and give contradictory advice to the person changing the bulb, and 36 to live elsewhere, start their own community, act mentshlich and not mention the previous bulb.

***

Hey, have you heard? It's Rosh Hashanah tonight!

One second, I know that at my old age, memory is the second thing to go (I forgot the first), but if I remember correctly, just over two months ago we already went through the motions? Have we sinned so much that the Rabbis instituted quarterly High Holy Days?

One second, just hear me out…

Oh, no, don't tell me that ten days later is a mid-winter Yom Kippur…

Relax, it's not another 500-dollar-seat-eight-sermons-hundred-horn-blows kind of New Year; this time we are celebrating a different type. And it even has a unique name: Rosh Hashanah for Chassidus.

Hold on, I never heard of Rosh Hashanah for the Talmud, and I don't recall a New Years for philosophy? Are we making new years for every new movement in Judaism? If that's the case, based on the 'two Jews three opinions' principle, we'll need a mathematician to figure out how many Rosh Hashanahs can be squeezed into a split second…

No, this is not just another movement; this is the energy of Judaism! I guess you can call it the Red-Bull of Jewish practice.

Huh?

Let me bring you an example. Imagine you live in beautiful house, a mansion, with all the delights you can imagine… but there is no light in the house. How much of the experience would it ruin?

All of it! It's almost worthless if I cannot see it. True, everything is in place, and light doesn't change anything, yet….

Ah! That is Chassidus; the light and energy of the Jewish way of life. You can live as a practitioner of Judaism by following the laws, however it is done robot-like, with no passion, and no happiness. The Chassidic revolution helps light up the already perfect, albeit dark and depressing home, so that it can truly shine.

Gotcha! Talking about Chassidic revolution, if I recall correctly, one of the good stuff it incorporated into our way of life, is the custom of raising a cup and saying L'chaim?

Correct!

Nu! It's Yud Tes Kislev! Pass over the Schnapps! What are we waiting for?

L'chaim! Let us bless each other the traditional blessing which Chassidim bless each other on this day:

MAY YOU BE INSCRIBED AND SEALED FOR A GOOD YEAR IN THE STUDY OF CHASSIDUS AND IN THE WAYS OF CHASSIDUS!

Annapolis: The Greatest Event in History!

During the first days of creation, G-d turned to the angels and said: "I am now going to create a land called Israel. It will be a land of mountains full of snow, sparkling lakes, forests full of all kind of trees, high cliffs overlooking sandy beaches with an abundance of sea life."

G-d continued, "I shall make the soil fertile so that the inhabitants will prosper. I shall call these inhabitants Israelis, and they shall be known to the most people on earth."

"But L-rd," asked the angels, "don't You think You are being too generous to these Israelis?"

"Not really," God replied, "wait and see the neighbors I am going to give them."

***

Did you hear the news? The Israelis and Arabs are finally going to make peace! I know that you never dreamt it could happen, however the time has arrived! In just a few days in Annapolis, a quiet town in the state of Maryland, the unbelievable will occur, as the eternal rivals will shake hands and promise peace.

From then on, Jews and Moslems will live in harmony; Arab and Jew will fall on each other's shoulders begging for forgiveness for all the pain brought on by the conflict.

This year on Hanukah, the Moslems will join us at our Menorah lightings, singing and dancing with us and handing out tea herbs. And during Ramadan, the Israelis will deliver food and drink for the break-fast.

The flags of both the Israeli and Palestinian states will wave in the wind together, and we shall never know bloodshed anymore.

Sounds surreal and impossible? Nah, you're just acting naïve. Don't you see the peace and harmony thanks to Camp David and Oslo? Are you blind to the safety that the Disengagement brought upon the land? We trusted the Arabs and we were right! They are such peace loving and warm people, so moderate and accepting, so open to western culture and values – and of course, they are sooooo democratic!

Did you ever meet a Palestinian? Did you see the love in his eyes, as he blessed you and wished all Jews well? Did you feel how he shared the anger at the terrorists who wish to destroy the world? If not you must be blind; why, even our president sees it!

So dear friend, please don't believe those radical rightists who scream that you can't make peace with murderers. Close your ears to the tears of the residents of the missile-pounded Sderot, as they tell you that since the Disengagement, life has become hell on earth. They are just extremists and unrealistic dreamers.

Trust Mr. Olmert and his buddy Abu-Mazen: they are honest men, and if they promise peace, they will bring it, along with a Nobel Peace prize. They will not let us down!

So get ready, the greatest miracle in history is on the threshold – it will be even greater than Hanukah!

Oy vey Z'mir!

Let’s talk some Kabbalah

The rabbi shocked the congregation when he announced that he was resigning from his post and moving to a dryer climate. After the service, a very distraught lady came to the rabbi with tears in her eyes. "Oh, Rabbi, we are going to miss you so much. We don't want you to leave!"

The kind-hearted rabbi said, "Now, now, Carolyn, don't cry. The rabbi who takes my place might be even better than me."

"Yeah," she sighed, with a tone of disappointment in her voice. "That's what they said last time..."

***

Abraham lived in Israel and had two sons. Isaac stayed on the path; Ishmael left and later returned.

Isaac lived in Israel and had two sons. Jacob stayed on the path, while Esau left and never returned.

Jacob lived in Charan and had twelve sons. They all stayed on the path.

Kabbalah teaches us that the three patriarchs differed in their primary soul-powers. Abraham personified Chesed, kindness; Isaac represented Gevurah, discipline; Jacob is associated with Tiferes, balance.

That’s all for Kabbalah vocabulary, let’s talk in today’s language:

There are some who are of the school of thought that believes in love, love, love, pampering the child and smiling at him even as he burns down the kitchen. These are the kind of parents who, when their child causes trouble, blame the teacher for ruining the could-do-no-wrong child. This kind of child runs the risk of leaving due to weak discipline and no backbone. But eventually they return, because there is love. They know that there will always be a loving home awaiting them.

Then there are the tough discipline types: You know the whip-the-child-into-shape style. No bending, no flexibility, it is shape up or ship out. It works on some, yet fails miserably with others. Unfortunately, children may leave, and may have a rough time coming back.

But there’s the way of balance, discipline with love. Have boundaries and enforce them, yet be flexible and loving at the same time. See the child’s faults and deal with them. See his talents and develop them. Give him or her space to thrive within the safe boundaries you have created.

This philosophy has proven itself: Despite growing up in a hostile pagan environment, all twelve sons of Jacob stayed devout.

Balance.

Ha, Ha Look who’s talking!

The President of the congregation went to visit the Rabbi in the hospital, after the latter had suffered a mild heart-attack.

He said, "Rabbi, the board just voted 12 to 8 to wish you a speedy recovery!"

***

Big bad Og was having a good time teasing the crowd.

Isaac, the miraculous baby born to his parents in their old age after years of infertility, was growing up, and his father decided to throw a party. From far and wide, people came to witness the miracle and pay their respects to a most prestigious leader.

Amongst the guests sat Og, a mighty giant and powerful king – and a vicious anti-Semite who was jealous of all the honor bestowed upon Abraham.

"Ha!" he turned to the crowd and roared, "What are all of you gushing about? If I wish, I can smother this kid with my finger; he's a nothing!"

At that moment, On High, G-d laughed and declared: "We'll see who smothers whom! In a few years, you will fall in the hands of the descendants of this frail child."

And so it was. Hundreds of years later, as the Jews crossed the desert towards the Holy Land, the mighty giant fell into the hands of Moses, grandchild of Isaac.

This tale of old is the story of our history.

"Ha!" cried Pharaoh.

"Ha!" screamed Nebuchadnezzar as he tore down the walls of Jerusalem.

"Ha!" declared Titus, as he put an idol in the Holy Temple .

"Ha!" announced Torquemada, as yet another Morrano was burnt at the auto-de-fe.

"Ha!" bellowed Stalin, as another Shul was closed, another Rabbi sent to the firing squad.

"Ha!" yelled Hitler.

"Ha!" jeers Ahmadinejad.

"Ha!" called the enemies of Israel for thousands of years.

"Ha!" cries secularism, "you devotees don't stand a chance in a sophisticated materialistic society!"

All along, we have heard the laughs, as the gas was poured into the gas chambers, and as another bus blew up.

But in the Heavens a greater laugh is heard, its echo reverberating throughout the darkness – for only G-d can know and see the truth and future. Ha! Whose name is remembered only through the textbooks, and who has managed to survive all the 'Ha's, and live on forever? WHO? WHO? WHO?

And here on earth laughs the Jew, as he devotedly keeps the tradition alive, never swayed by the jeers and teases. Ha! Just look how society crumbles without religion and morals.

Am Yisroel Chai! HA!