What does Weather have to do with Religion?

No, this is not an essay mocking the religion of global warming. I wouldn't dare; for there is no free speech allowed on that topic…

*

Yossel was a merchant who sold precious stones for a living. Most of his money was made during the yearly fare in the city of Leipzig during the month of January. This was an event that Yossel could not afford to miss.

Good old mother Russia's weather is totally unpredictable, especially in the winter. So it came to pass one year, that to Yossel's dismay the winter hit really hard, covering the countryside with snow and sleet, making it nearly impossible to make the three day journey to the fair.

Yossel had to go, so desperately he went around to all the wagon drivers begging them for a ride. No luck. Finally he spotted Moishe the wagon driver who was the adventurous type, so he ran over to him offered him a deal, "Listen Moishe, if you bring to the fair in time, I'll pay you 10 gold coins, that's triple the regular pay. But we don't arrive on time you'll pay me fifty golden coins for my great loss."

Moishe, whose brains were the size of a peanut, didn't hesitate for a moment and without blinking an eye agreed to the deal, 'This is the best deal of my life', he thought to himself.

Well to make a long story short; Even with all Moishe's good will, and great talent at schlepping the horses out of the mud, and beating them to a pulp, the inevitable happened; to their great disappointment they pulled into Leipzig as the fair was closing up shop.

"Hand over the fifty golden coins!" said Yossel, "a deal is a deal!"

Moishe played dumb, "What fifty, where fifty, I'm not paying you a penny!"

Yossel fumed, "Ganef! Thief! Give me the money you owe me!"

"Not a chance!"

"I'm taking you to the rabbi!"

"That's fine with me!"

The rabbi patiently listened to Yossel's tale of woe, and turned to Moishe, "Is it true that you promised to pay Yossel fifty golden coins if you would not arrive on time for the fair?"

"Yes."

"Then I'm sorry, but you must pay the money immediately!"

Moishe was unfazed, "Says who?"

"The Torah, given to the Jews on Mount Sinai 3000 years ago says so!"

Moishe was not so dumb after all, "Let's face the facts rabbi. When was the Torah given? In the summer time! Where? In the desert! Well, I could promise you that were the Torah to be given in Russia, in middle of the winter, it would say something totally different…"

Back to the present. I'm sure you recognize the modern day Moishe, the one who has an answer for everything: Blowing a ram horn on Rosh Hashanah? That was before PETA! Modesty? Before the sixties! Shabbat candles? Not healthy for the environment. Respect your parents??? and the list goes on.

Hello! It was the same Torah for Moses in the desert, for King David in Israel, for Daniel in exile, for Moshke in the Shtetel and for Joe in 21^st century America. It's time to go back to the system that has worked throughout the centuries.

Nothing has changed! Except for the global temperature that is (or maybe not).

Rabbi Shimon on RNN Eyewitness News

This Friday we celebrate 'Lag BaOmer', one of the reasons of the celebration is the Yortzeit of Rabbi Shimon Bar Yochai who passed away on this day, and asked that it be a day of celebration and happiness. The following is but one story of his extraordinary life.

Good evening and welcome to the RNN eyewitness news.

Our top story today: Back from the dead; an amazing story of a rabbi and his son returning from nowhere after 13 years! With us is our reporter Julius. Julius?

Julius: Thank you Augustus. This truly is an amazing tale. 13 years ago a Jewish Rabbi named Rabbi Shimon was given the death sentence for decrying the Roman Empire. Somehow he managed to escape before the execution, and was never heard of since.

And now he's back! And he is with us here today at the studio.

Welcome, Rabbi Shimon, we'll start with the question that is on everyone's mind: Where have you been?

Rabbi Shimon: Not too far from here. I hid in a cave in the mountains, together with my son Eliezer.

J: Hmm… I would like to check that out. Sounds like an extended summer vacation.

R S: Not exactly… actually to give an example or our lifestyle, let me just say, that because we didn't have a change of clothing, we usually covered ourselves up to the neck in mud, besides the times we had to pray…

J: Oh no! what about food and drink?

R S: It's funny that you ask, we really didn't know how we would survive, but our G-d made a miracle and a carob tree grew just outside the cave. And next to it a river of water just sprung up from the ground…

J: I'll have to believe you on that one. Anyway enough with the past, what are your plans for the future?

R S: Well I was just told of a certain road, about which there are rumors that it might contain human remains, making it impure and therefore illegal for Kohanim or priests to walk on. Those poor men have to take another side route which makes their walk a few minutes longer, so I intend to investigate the matter and work out a solution.

J: Um… excuse me Rabbi; did I just hear you correctly? After 13 years away from your family, students and community, you simply have nothing to do, but to work out some tiny inconvenience for only a small segment of your community? Are you sure that 13 years in the cave haven't mixed up your priorities?

R S: A goyishe kup! How can I explain to you the great merit in helping even one Jew with something seemingly small and insignificant! There is a statement that says,[1] "A Jew lives for 70, 80 years just to do a favor for another Jew!"

J: Truly an eternal message for all time. Anyway, great to have you with us. We wish you much luck in all your projects. Arrivederci!

Agustos: Thank you Julius! Now for our survey: what are the chances of surviving 13 years in a cave covered in dirt, eating carob and drinking water? You can vote on our website…

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[1] It was published 2000 years later by the holy Baal Shem Tov but it is in the hearts and minds of the Jewish people since the beginning.

Just Trust!

People make money. Not the other way around.

*

Excuse me sir.

Yes, how can I help you?

Um, I know I'm being a bit nosy; but don't you have a wife and children?

Yes, blessed G-d. Why do you ask?

Um, every day I see you here sitting and learning, or just talking with your buddies, why? Don't you need to work and support your family?

Well…

Oh, I was so out of place, just forget about it. Oh, I don't know where to burry myself.

No, it's okay. I work as a farmer, and I work very hard. I barely have time to relax…

(Sure looks that way! – I thought to myself) so… why aren't you in the field. Did you retire?

I wish I had enough money to retire… Let me explain, it a sabbatical year and I am not allowed to work in the field.

Aren't sabbaticals patented exclusively for university professors?

Actually it started with the farmers. G-d commanded that once every seven years we farmers take a break; this is called the 'Shemita' year, when all farmers in the land of Israel take a break and live a Shabbat-like life style.

Huh? Just like that? You just close up shop? How are you supposed to support your family?

G-d told us that He will take care of us!

What does that mean? Will he send manna from heaven? Or maybe Elijah shows up at your door with blank checks to pay up your credit card bills…

You're not too far off... G-d promises that He will take care of us during and after this year. And I'm telling you, it is absolutely miraculous just how we always have food and everything we need.

Sounds too good to be true…

You don't have to take my word for it. Ask all my buddies who will tell you the same story. Why, just a few weeks ago when there was a cold weekend, and all the farmers in the area lost thousands of dollars worth of bananas, but in my "Shemita Kosher" field nothing was lost!

I'm telling you my friend, just put your trust in the Creator and He will take care of you.

I'm talking from experience.

Just Trust!

Just Trust!

Just Trust!

Just Trust!

“Which Window?”

The general wants to test the loyalty of his soldiers. So he calls over a soldier and commands him to jump out of the window. The soldier says, "From my part it's okay, but for the sake of my family I ask that you reconsider."

Disgusted, the general sends him off. He calls a second soldier, and repeats his command. The soldier says, "No problem, but please give me a few minutes to say goodbye to my loved ones."

The general angrily sends him away, and he calls a third soldier, and repeats his command. The soldier looks straight at the general and with total calmness asks, "Which window?"

***

Did you receive in the mail the new rule book about education? In case you did not, here is a glimpse.

"1. To command a child to do something without giving him a reason, might have worked back in the day, but in today's world you have to give a reason for everything. 2. Thou shall not punish thy child, for thou can end up in jail on account of child abuse 3. Never command a child to do something, for there is a 63% chance that it will cause the child to run away from home and go on drugs and…'"

Sounds familiar? Well, let's see what G-d has to say about our wonderful laws of education in the 21^st century.

This week we read how G-d commanded us to teach the children the laws of impurity[1]. If you take a look throughout the Torah, you could count on your fingers the amount of times G-d commands us to teach children specific laws. Actually, this is the first time in the Torah that we are commanded on education! [2]

The question begs to be asked: why from all laws out there did G-d choose to teach us about the obligation of education by the laws of impurity? Seemingly, Shabbat, Kosher and intermarriage, seem more likely candidates to place an emphasis on education!

It gets even stranger: the whole impurity stuff doesn't make sense in the first place. What is impurity? Can I touch it? No, it's not mud or dirt. Then what is it? It's some kid of spiritual filth that contaminates the priest when he comes in contact with a corpse. Now, what kind of logic is that?

Grand slam!

That's just the point. First thing in education is that the child must know that we follow the law because G-d said so, no explanations necessary. If G-d decides to explain the reasoning of the rule, then lucky us, but that's not why we follow the Torah!

With all that in mind, can you imagine telling your child to take out the garbage, and he smiles and says, "With pleasure mammy, which garbage?"

Sounds like the times of Moshiach…

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[1] G-d commands Moshe twice to tell the Jews the laws of impurity "Emor. .V'amarta", the commentaries (Rashi) learn that this is a commandment to the elders to teach and communicate these laws to the youth.

[2] In truth G-d does mention the responsibly of education all the way back in Genesis, when He praises Abraham that "I know he will command his children to follow his ways." But nevertheless here is the first commandment! Why here?

Newsweek Will Put the Smile Back On Your Face!

Dear friends

We are bombarded with so much negative news, that for many of us our glasses have become black, and all we see is tragedy and hardship.

So is there light in the end of the tunnel? Are we living the Messianic era? Is the world that bad?

Below is a link to an article in the Newsweek magazine, which will clean up those glasses of yours, and give you a fresh and optimistic perspective. Although the title of the article seems pessimistic, in truth it's the other way around.

Enjoy! And start smiling once again. 

http://www.newsweek.com/id/135380/page/1

 

Here is a taste of the article:

 

A team of scholars at the University of Maryland has been tracking deaths caused by organized violence. Their data show that wars of all kinds have been declining since the mid-1980s and that we are now at the lowest levels of global violence since the 1950s. Deaths from terrorism are reported to have risen in recent years. But on closer examination, 80 percent of those casualties come from Afghanistan and Iraq, which are really war zones with ongoing insurgencies—and the overall numbers remain small. Looking at the evidence, Harvard's polymath professor Steven Pinker has ventured to speculate that we are probably living "in the most peaceful time of our species' existence."

 

Humps, Toes and Eyelashes

The little camel looked up to her mother inquisitively, "Mom, why do we have such big humps?"

"My child, they are there to help us store water for our long treks across the desert, so we can go without drinking for long periods of time."

"Okay. And why do we have three-toed feet?"

"When we trek along desert sand, our toes will help us stay above the sand!"

"Hmm… Mom, why do we have such long eyelashes?"

"My child you're brilliant today. They are to keep sand out of our eyes during our trips in the desert."

"So let me get this straight, we have huge feet to stop us from sinking, long eyelashes to keep the sand out of our eyes, and these humps to store water."

"Yes dear," said the mother.

"So why are we in the Bronx zoo?"

***

Sometimes I feel like the baby camel. In truth, I wish I felt that way all the time. This week is one of those sometimes.

What happened this week?

It was 17 years ago, at the Lubavitch headquarters in Brooklyn – 770, that the Lubavitcher Rebbe, gave a monumental speech, in which he told his followers, that he has done all he can to usher in the redemption, and that he now gives over the responsibly to every one of us.

Think about it: He tells me, he tells you, that we've got the power to make big changes. "No, he says, don't think so low of yourself, yes you can, and must, make big revolutions. I give it over to you because I know you have all it takes – the humps, the eyelashes and the toes, plus so much more.

"There is a war waiting to be waged, there is a mission waiting to be accomplished, and there is a world waiting to be transformed; [so the Rebbe cries:] Friends: If we have all it takes to win the battle, then why are we still rotting away in the zoo? Why aren't we going out and taking the world by storm?"

Not to take away from all that has, and is, being done; but nevertheless as long as we haven't reached the redemption, the Rebbe's words must ring in our ears: do all you can!

Friends, we can do it! Just believe in yourself as much as the Rebbe believes in you. And when we take this to heart, and make a revolution-of-goodness, then we will G-d willing be able to say goodbye to this zoo…

…Forever